What did I do?
I’m such a fool
I groveled and writhed my way through this place
Believing the heat was from hell
And denouncing my sanity for the sake of sanity
But what did I do
To you?
I wrote you unending letters
A string of droplets harvested from my open veins
Veins that tried to tell me, to wake me
But I wrote so many, too quickly
That every day was an unforgiving haze
So what did I do
To me?
This whole time I thought maybe I loved you
But what if all I was ever doing
Was looking for a substitute
For someone who’s already walked away
With my heart
But just never bothered to stop and let me catch up
What if I was heartless because
He never returned
And left me in quicksand with shadows for company
What did I do
To us?
You look alike
And I hate myself for that
You sound alike
And the more I think about it
The more afraid I become
Because you feel alike
How your hands mean home
And your chest means rest
And your voice means
Everything’s going to be alright
And if I lose you
I don’t know if it’ll be pain
From losing you
Or pain
From losing him again
And I’m powerless to stop it
Because I never had control to begin with
How do you steer in an ocean of uncertainty
In the midst of a storm that won’t lift?
How can you tell land from cloud over the ashen horizon
When all you’ve ever known were the waves of legend,
Who swallowed whole families of gods and giants?
How can you know salvation
When there is none –
Because the world you live in never existed
Because all it was
Was the truth trying to wake you up
And all you did was fall through?
What did I do?
What could I do?
I’m sorry
I took
From you
I’m sorry
I hurt you
I’m sorry
We thought we loved each other
I’m sorry
I mead you
A fool
I guess I understand
Why we never could move past this mountain
Why our colors seemed plague with a hue of grey
Why we were drained and no matter how much
We melted into each other
We were never quite complete
And it hurt me
How you never told me
But I guess I understand
Because I know it hurt you
When a never said a word
But I was powerless
To stop it
Because I thought I had survived it
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